Love, Loss & its Intersection with Art

It’s weird, creating something. I think this can be said for many art practices. But, in the car world it’s only gotten weirder for me. I speak to many of my artist friends about this feeling of loss when you create something and sell it. Personally with my own work that is made on canvas I sit with it. I paint it for months on end. Stare at it and nitpick until I’m content. And in many ways I’ve approached painting cars in the same manner.

The transition in changing my art surfaces from canvas to a metal object that will traverse this earth has been a crazy one. I’ve had to learn to create that connection just enough so I can pour my all into a paint job. But to also abruptly cut that connection once the car is out of the shop. Mark, my fiancé, thinks it’s an easy journey. Me on the other hand, have struggled. I build these deep bonds with my work. Every brush stroke is carefully planned out. Every design on the car is brainstormed before it comes to fruition. And I sit with these cars much longer than I sit with my own thoughts, or with canvases.

All this to say that it’s tough acclimating to the idea that you can pour so much into something and you never really get to sit there and slowly let go. That’s something I do with my oil on canvas paintings. Usually once they’re done I put them away and take them out to study them. I show them in a few shows. They sell or I put them back into my storage. And I know I can look back on them whenever I would like. It’s not like when you create lowrider murals for someone. I don’t have that privilege. The car leaves the shop and I mourn that loss on my own.

I don’t know yet what that feeling will do for me in the long run. Having so much pride in something you worked tirelessly on, but not being able to connect with it beyond that because as quickly as it came to you is as quickly as it’ll leave. But I do appreciate the journey as a whole. It’s crazy for me to think that I’m two cars in to this journey and I have more on the way. Right now I feel I can reconcile that loss by working on my own car. I don’t think I’ll ever let go of La Playgirl. There’s a special feeling when you work on your car. There’s something rare to me about being able to pour in just as much love as I do to commissions into my own work. Especially into a car I hold so dear to me, my life, my relationship.

All I can do is document my process. Hold on to those memories and share them with my kids. They’ll know their mom was a bad ass. An emotional one, but a bad ass.

It’s interesting to hear how other artist approach this issue. I’ve had people tell me there’s painting they refuse to sell because it’s a painting they hold dear to them. Other people will stash their work away so they don’t have to dwell on it. I know many friends who will freely give their art away because well then they can see their work whenever. But it’s a different experience with commissions. It’s rewarding when your client truly loves your work. When they tell you they’re going to leave it for their children, or come back for more work. That’s what I hope for all my paint jobs. For someone to love the work so much it’ll be cherished by them, their families, and future generations. One can only hope.

My Relationship with Lowrider’s

I kinda touched base with this during my artist talk with El Comalito Collective. BTW El Comalito Collective is an artist-run space co-owned by Edgar-Arturo Camacho-Gonzalez and Abel Rodriguez. They’re a very supportive space that is dedicated to making art accessible to their community as well as highlighting and supporting WOC, POC, and LGBTQ+ artist. So if you didn’t know about them y’all should check them out via IG @elcomalitocollective.

So I’ll be going further in to how I became interested in lowrider’s and the lowriding community. When my parents moved us from South Central to Whittier we moved into a home that is directly off Whittier Blvd. for y’all who aren’t familiar with Whittier Blvd. it’s an iconic location for cruising. Every weekend I would see cars cruising on the boulevard. I always thought they were beautiful but at the time I was more interested in classic cars. So no customizations just a simple clean paint job and lowered. But when I got into a relationship with Mark, my partner, I became more and more interested in the loud and outrageous patterned lowrider’s that had tons of customizations. I would go on to help him fix his 1984 El Camino. Besides him I was the only other person to help him to do the body work on this car. I also eventually helped him pick the color palette for the paint job many years later. (Sorry to say but usually a car painters personal cars get put aside when you could make money fixing other peoples car). In total I saw Mark through 5 almost 6 years of fixing the ElCo on again and off again. It was a very rewarding experience. That car was the first car I ever helped to work on, also the first lowrider I actually drove. Driving a lowrider makes you feel powerful, I can’t even explain the feeling beyond that. I just felt like a badass. He went on to sell that car, it was hard parting with it.

Two years ago Mark surprised me with my 1975 Cadillac El Dorado. I had never actually planned on owning a lowrider. I loved them but I never thought I would own my very own one. Basically it was a surprise. Mark had a customer that always went to the auto body shop that had the ElDo. He had shown me some pictures of it like two or three weeks prior and joking I said oh my god buy it. The old man was trying to get rid of it for dirt cheap, it was all original, had been in the garage for years, only had two owners prior to us and only had 75,000 miles. I never thought Mark would actually buy it. One day he called me before he was getting out of work and said, “Babe come pick me up please the ElCo won’t start and I need a ride home”. I went thinking oh god Mark what the fuck I took Smokey with me. I pull up and he’s nowhere to be seen. His boss is like “Mark left”, I was so confused. Then dramatic ass Mark pulls up from behind some of the storage containers that surround the auto body shop and he was in the pink Cadi!!!! He told me “It’s yours!”. I couldn’t believe it 😭😭😭. Then Mark, me and Smokey went for a cruise. Anyways fast forward to two years since then. We’ve been chipping away at the body work needed for La Playgirl. I’ve been there every step I could help with. I’ve done just as much if not more than half the men you see flaunting their lowrider’s. I’m so excited for this car, next steps are finishing the body work, fixing rust left from the only vinyl top, primer, sand, primer and a layer of paint. Once that settles in for a couple of months we’ll begin pattern work. And then we are redoing the entire interior. I’m a perfectionist, I want this car to look like a show car but actually be driven. I want it to be as loud and obnoxious as my paintings but still have fine detail. I’ll probably keep this car for a while, Mark and I have agreed to it. It’s a huge car, and considering the amount of time we want to put in to it, I’m considering it’ll be my life long lowrider. I do want other cars but I can’t imagine parting with La Playgirl.

Currently, Mark has a new ElCo this one is a 1973 one. He’s doing it all up too. So we have two project cars at once. It’s stressful, but that feeling you have cruising in your beautiful car on the boulevard is worth it. Lowriding has become a part of my life in ways I never imagined. Mark is in a car club, Genocide CC. He is plaqued. The plan is I will hopefully be plaqued as well. Gender inclusive car clubs are becoming more and more normalized. Which is amazing. Also the lowrider community has been supportive to my art in many ways. Mostly all the women I have painted have made it a point to go to my art openings, see the paintings of them in person. The car club Mark is in has shown just as much support as well. In general the role that lowriding has taken in my life, in my relationship has been immense.

Next Steps for the Lowrider Series

“Here’s just a small look at how truly lost I was at the beginning of the series and how much the work has grown over the course of a year and a half.”

I guess I hadn’t really put much thought into what would come next after focusing mostly only on women lowriders. Since I haven’t been putting much time into my personal work I have had time to really step back and think about this. Just figuring out more about my main themes and how I could expand on them. Although I have done many paintings about the lowrider community and highlighting these women I feel that I haven’t explored other parts of the community beyond the topic. This was a difficult challenge for me to process and it made me feel like I wasn’t doing enough. Mostly all of the artist I follow have done different series that still highlight some of their main themes in their work but there’s some kind of exploration of materials or other subjects within it. So for the longest I was trying to figure out what I could do in response to my own work.

So after thinking about all the different themes I could be exploring within my own work I think some next basic steps would be opening up the subject matter beyond women. I’ve been considering highlighting more couple which I have done three times within this series just because in each of those relationships both of the partner’s have played a major role in their relationships with the lowrider community. I would really like to explore more of this because within my own relationship we’ve been able to bounce back ideas and our passions which have strengthened our love for lowriding and just how we approach our own cars. Another line of individuals I would like to focus more on are custom painters, upholstery people, restorers, basically any people who play key roles within the creation of a lowrider. Dating a painter it’s become apparent to me that people don’t often go beyond the car itself and its owner. Meaning that what is mainly admired by others (both outside of and in the community) is simply the car and all props is given to the owner because they had an idea. But, most of these people aren’t painting or customizing their cars by themselves. Some do go ahead and are involved with the process but there’s just as many if not more that are filtering out the work but in the end they get sole credit for the car. As a creative I think it’s important to highlight all types of artists because I truly consider these individuals to be artist in their own right. Also knowing many people who are involved with the behind the scenes work that goes into creating a lowrider I know that each part that is put into the creation is just as special to the creator as it is to the actual car owner. Another set of individuals would be the various car clubs and truly getting to know each individual that is a part of the club and painting many series based on these people and their lives. Each car club is different, the amount of people involved, the cars they have, who they are outside of that club is extremely diverse. For example there’s lowrider communities around the world, and showing their take on the community would be interesting to explore. So I would love to share the diverse individuals that make up the community as a whole.

I have also been thinking of all the ways I could explore with different materials. Some of my ideas include: working more with paper but through multimedia, working on multiple panels and connecting them in some way, working with sculpture or installation. There’s just so many ways that I could really expand on my themes and it’s really exciting that I’m beginning to figure this out. Being multifaceted/ interdisciplinary within the arts is really intriguing to me.

Those are just some ideas that I have moving forward with my work so if you or anyone you know is a lowrider or involved in the community someway please send them to me. I would love to interview them, get to know them and create a bold and impactful piece based on who they are and their community.

Exploring Watercolor

Well within the past few weeks I have basically been at home and living off of commissions. Because of this I have began to experiment with a new material that I didn’t really care for before. What is it?! Watercolors!!! Prior to this I had always been too afraid to use watercolor because I new it was difficult to master. I have mostly worked with oil and at some point with acrylic and gouache. But watercolor in particular always seemed too hard and I never really took the time to try to use it.

So within these last few weeks I have become obsessed and I am really starting to love working with watercolor. I have tried a couple of different brands now in order to figure out which watercolors are best for me. I decided to do short reviews on each type of watercolor palette or pan set I have used so that anyone who is considering exploring watercolors can figure out if any of these could work for them.

• Winsor & Newton Watercolor Pocket Plus Set of 12:

  I actually have had this travel pan set for a couple of years now but I hadn’t really tried to use it. I remember that the only reason I bought it in the first place was because it was on sale since someone had stolen the travel sized brush included with the set hahaha. SOOOO! I bought it, if it’s discounted and you’re a broke college student it’s for you! Anyways, I actually began to use it when I got the idea to begin to do watercolor pet portraits. I really like this set because the colors are really pigmented and high quality plus I had gotten it for a bargain so that was amazing. On top of that the set is super portable since it’s so tiny and it comes with detachable water wells??? Mixing wells??? I honestly don’t even know what they’re called but yeah it’s sick! This makes it easier to have various spaces to mix colors but in a compact form. The only thing that I wasn’t fond of was the limited palette. I think this was hard for me because I was trying to mix a wide range of colors with a medium I wasn’t used to. Of course that isn’t the actual palette’s fault since it’s only 12 colors. So I would highly recommend this watercolor pan set (especially if you can find it at a low price). I think once I get better I would definitely get a larger pan set from this brand.

• SoHo Urban Artist E-Z Lift Set of 36

This watercolor set was purchased a week or two after I started experimenting with watercolor. I had been eyeing it for a bit before that because it’s crazy cheap at $21.69 on the Jerry’s Artarama website. So once I realized hey watercolor might actually be a cool material for me to experiment with I decided to buy a set with more color choices. I really liked this set because it has a huge variety of choices even including neons and iridescents or pearlescents pans. Which to me was a huge plus since in my personal work I work with a lot of bright and bold colors. So I knew if I did end up liking this palette it would be a cool material to use for possible sketches or works on paper outside of these pet portraits. The palette itself comes in a nice tin box that includes three mixing wells in the design of the top lid, which I really liked. I would say that it clearly isn’t as highly pigmented as the Winsor and Newton set. When applying the colors they’re a bit more transparent so I have had to add more layers in order to heighten the opacity. Another con is that the paint is a little more on the plastic side so it does take a larger amount of water to activate the paint from the pans. But besides that the palette is pretty great for beginners in my opinion because of the variety of colors. I’m thinking of maybe using some kind of watercolor medium alongside this palette to aid the paint viscosity. If it helps I’ll be sure to update this review!

• Marie’s Extra Fine Watercolor Set of 18

This is the most recent set of watercolors I have added to my arsenal. Again this is another watercolor set I was eyeing and I had to get it because it’s $6.49 on the Jerry’s Artarama website!!! I wasn’t sure what to expect with this set just because I think we all know that the cheaper a material is the less likely it is to be a good purchase for creating art. But I was blown out of the water by this set. I bought an airtight palette to use alongside it that came with 18 wells. So as soon as I got it I set up my palette. Basically I filled each well with some of the paint and I let it dry so that I could use the paint similar to what I had already been using in the other sets. I’ve really been loving this watercolor set because it is so pigmented and the reactivation success that I’ve had with it is really amazing. Even though I have the other two sets I have found myself mostly using this one just because I love it so much. I think this is probably the best variety of colors for me personally; because I found that with the SoHo set I have so many colors to choose from that sometimes it is nerve racking. But with this 18 color set each color really speaks for itself and is super easy to mix so I can easily get out just as many colors out of it as with the SoHo pan but with more pigmentation. I haven’t actually used it straight out of the tube so I would like to see how easy it is to work with then. But I really have nothing negative to say about this set. I would highly recommend is because it’s cheap and a great buy.

Those are the three sets I have tried so far. I’ll possibly update this or make a new blog post about any other materials I try. I’m honestly so amazed at how much I have started to like watercolor and I hope to bring is more into my personal work because I have been wanting to make more works on paper so we’ll see where this journey takes me.

The Sketchbook Show

The Sketchbook Show was curated by Elizabeth Munzon. Elizabeth is an artist and owner of the local gallery, Flatline. The exhibition she carefully put together features whole sketchbooks and lone pages from 21 artists.

The purpose of the exhibition was to allow others to peer into the world of each individual artist. Typically sketchbooks are very sacred spaces for makers. Most artist have sketches, collages, and various notes riddled throughout their sketchbooks. And sketchbooks are not typically seen by anyone besides the artist or a few friends. So laying bare these intimate books for viewers to see was a very intimidating situation, despite this every artist showed the viewers this personal side. Each artist stood out distinctly.

The work I showed for this show was a combination of personal studies/collages I have never shown before. As well as small pen drawings of the figure or car culture. Although everything I showed wasn’t directly linked to my paintings based on female lowrider owners they all play a key role within my work. My studies/collages weigh in on color choices and palettes I use within my work. My pen drawings separate and investigate the figure and cars. Basically everything I showed was a dissected version of my bold and colorful large-scale paintings.

In all I found that looking at the other artist’s work was refreshing. It gave me an insight on every persons thought process and creative process. Below I have listed the artist involved as well as a link to the gallery website. With the current Cover-19 situation the closing reception is on hold and the show is being extended. If you would like to visit the gallery space you can do so through booking an appointment with Elizabeth.

Artist:

Anthony Zavala

Blak Kanvas

Chloe Allred

Daniel A. Rivera-Echeverría

Daniela Delgadillo Garcia

Jack Kelly

Jacqueline Valenzuela

James Brooks

Janey Saavedra

Jose Loza

Kahlil Del Rossi

Karina Vazquez

Katie Stubblefield

Kevin Moran

Kim Lujan

Kimo Bautista

Melissa Hammonds

Nick Zegel

Oscar Pearson

Samantha Reynolds

Stephanie Han

https://www.flatlinegallery.com/

The Poetry of Place

“It is a city of contradictions and concessions. A city of big dreams and gasoline. Of diversity and opportunity, of palm trees and the Pacific. A place where the people who call it home are inexorably shaped by it. The Poetry of Place features 16 visual artists and contemporary poets whose sense of place is entwined with their creative process.

Through this exhibition, a poem is composed. Each artist contributes their narrative, their memory and vision. 16 artists each creating a single line in a beautiful patchwork of perspective, a ballad about this place we share: Los Angeles.”

Featured Artists: Matt Carless, Jasmine Delgado, Scott Froschauer, Ricardo Garcia, Shelly Heffler, Diana Kohne, Alex Mena, Michelle Rozic, Terry Tripp, Jacqueline Valenzuela, William Wray, and Scott Yeskel

Featured Poets: Zeina Baltagi, Edward L. Canavan, South Pasadena Poet Laureate Ronald Koertge, and Los Angeles Poet Laureate Luis J. Rodriguez

Changes and Future Plans

I’ve always been very open about my studio space at home and how I tended to stretch my work throughout my home. It wasn’t until the end of last year that I got a spare bedroom in my house to turn into a complete in home studio. I’ve briefly shared about it on IG, or at least showed it to y’all.
As I have openly talked about before I had a partial studio space within my garage and worked entirely on one wall inside my bedroom. When this room inside my parents home became vacant my parents offered to let me turn it into a studio space. I fixed it up fairly quickly. All it took was a patchwork on the nail holes and three coats of white paint. Having a new space to work in has been extremely relieving. Also considering how big I’m working it’s been helpful because now I can store all the finished paintings in the garage studio space while still having ample working room indoors!!!!
Okay besides this, many new plans have been made for this new year. The end of 2019 had brought me many opportunities, one of which was commission work. I’ve had the pleasure of doing two commission pieces and planning out a third one to be completed in early 2020. In 2020 I plan to focus on doing more commission work. Whether it’s geared more towards my personal work or something that’a outside of that realm. It’s honestly been fulfilling and nice to take breathers in between my personal work to make something for someone else. So if you’re interested in commissioning me for something feel free to contact me via IG or email. I’ve also been thinking about where my personal work will be going.
My work has grown rapidly through the process of putting together my solo show. I gained many skills, learned more about my art and myself and have generally been able to work faster than ever. My plans for this new year and my work include slowing down my pace a bit. Not because I’m incapable of working quickly since finishing work for my solo show. But because I learned so much within those months that now I want to step back a bit and explore my work and experiment with my work at a deeper level. I still plan to paint big but I do want to experiment with multi canvas paintings, canvas on wooden panels, smaller detailed work, works on paper, collage, mixed media, etc. On top of this I’ll be working on the final 9 large paintings I want to complete in order to apply for grad school.
Generally speaking I have a lot planned for 2020. So let’s get it!

Bajito y Suavecito: Mujeres de Lowriding

“Bajito Y Suavecito: Mujeres de Lowriding highlights work that has been made by Jacqueline Valenzuela, a woman artists who also owns and cruises her own lowrider. The artist spotlights women within the lowrider community which are usually ignored in this male-dominated community. Usually when someone who is an outsider of the lowrider world thinks of women and these candied cars they think of the highly sexualized women merely placed alongside the car. This is because what is mainly shown to those outside of the community are the models in their swimsuits or provocative outfits. What is not as well known is the large amount of women lowriders within this community. These women are the ones that have their own cars, are part of lowrider clubs, have grown up around lowriders, cruise alongside their husbands but in their own cars. These women are highlighted in Jacqueline’s work by bringing their real-life experiences and the major roles they play to a forefront.

Using bold colors, portraiture, and the urban landscape she creates compositions that emphasize femininity in a male-dominated world. Her work combines the erasure of women lowrider with the murals that are commonly seen in Latinx communities that focus on religion and social issues. This creates a familiar facade for the viewer. The canvas as a whole is meant to mimic a defaced mural riddled with buff marks, graffiti overlapping over and over, and pixelizations. All of which hint at the erasure or censoring of an almost holy figure (the woman). The various artistic languages that travel throughout the picture plane bring forth the everyday scenery that these women face. The overwhelming amount of different colors and imagery all clashed together demand the audience, whether outsiders of Chicano lowriders, to not overlook the woman. Giving an unedited version of these women, their candied cars, and a rough urban landscape.”

This is the basis of the whole show. Within the span of a year I was able to complete 62 paintings that dove deep into every aspect of women in the lowrider community and the landscape/environments in which they maneuver. Some of the work was done during my last semester at CSULB. While some was done in the months since graduating with my Bachelor’s in Fine Arts. During the process my art grew rapidly. Mostly because of the amount of work that had to happen in order to fill the gallery space.

• 26 of the paintings were made during my final semester at CSULB. 3 were completed and never touched again. 2 of those were made at the beginning of the semester and were highly successful as far as material experimentation. The 3rd of the trio was made at the end of the semester and was a major milestone in what would develop post-graduation. Another 3 were completed but were completely redone after graduation because by the end of the semester I had started to finally develop an artistic language that was cohesive with what I envisioned in my mind. And these three did not fit into that ideal set of work. 20 of them were made as experimental pieces to figure out how different colors, materials and artistic languages could work together in one place.

• 36 of these paintings were made after graduating from CSULB. They range widely in sizes. The smallest being 8”x8” and the largest reaching 66”x72”. Some were more experimental and dealt mostly with graffiti. Others leaned towards a mixture of graffiti and urban scenery to create an abstract version of this environment. And a handful combined all of this with the figure in order to create a full image of what these women and their lives are like.

All together the 62 paintings brought my ideas for this show to fruition. I grew in many ways throughout the process of putting together this show. Opening night was a success. I received endless support from friends and family as well as from people who had joined my journey in different times through IG. It was heartwarming to know that something that I create in order to make a stand for myself and these women has reached so many people beyond my circle of friends and family. For that I am highly grateful. So thank you to everyone who had the opportunity to come out for my opening night. I was also fortunate to sell 4 paintings. So thank you to those who bought work. It means a lot.

Above, I have attached install shots as well as some pictures from opening night. As for the show, it will be up until February 27th. The gallery hours are Monday-Thursday from 4pm-8pm and Saturday from 10am-2pm. So there is plenty of time to catch it before it is taken down. Also keep an eye out for other shows I will be participating in for the rest of 2020.

What is self-care for me and my art practice?

I think it’s different for everyone. It’s weird for me since for the last 7 months I’ve been doing nothing but making work for this solo show. Currently my studio and garage are empty. All I have are old paintings that were done during my time at CSULB and blank canvases and papers that need to be started. Since finishing all the work for my solo show I’ve felt a weird emptiness. I think most of us get it after completing work for a show. Especially if we were only making work for that show and now you have to start all over with new pieces.

So what am I going to do? Honestly today I’m not doing anything. Yesterday I attached hanging wires to my paintings and reapplied gesso to the edges to assure they would be white. I also brought in blank canvases that were in my garage and also prepared paper that I’ll be painting/drawing on. Then, I just went to eat with my partner and afterwards we binge watched Netflix until he went home. I ended my night by reorganizing all the supplies in my studio space.

I don’t have much to do now that the solo show is wrapped up. Just waiting on opening night on January 10th. So I think this next week I’ll be practicing self-care. What does that look like for me? Doing all the easy shit you do when you don’t feel like starting to work yet. So I’ll probably go buy wood, cut it and make stretcher bars. Apply gesso to some canvases. Sketch, sketch, sketch. Look for references for the next few pieces. I might even look for artist opportunities such as shows, residencies and grants to apply to.

I’m still doing a lot but it’s all background work. This is what I do when I’m tired of painting. Because I don’t want to completely avoid doing anything related to my art practice. By next weekend I’ll be ready to go again. Next in line I have 4 paintings. 3 for an upcoming show and one is a commission for a family friend. I look forward to doing all of that but for now I need a breather. Just a tiny one. Because like I said in my last blog post I love drowning in work.

Self-care is important. No matter what type of art you make. If that means getting away for a weekend, working smaller than you usually do, working on less stuff, doing the easy background things, not creating at all for a week or two. Anything you need to do to revamp your brain after completing a whole batch of art pieces is okay. Sometimes I do all the easy stuff in between while I’m drowning in work. Because even if you aren’t directly making an art piece maybe you’re doing things that will help your art practice in some way.

I remember talking about doing the easy stuff while I was in my senior studio space at CSULB. Sometimes we would all paint and talk the entire times. Other times we would just blabber and not paint at all. Sometimes we’d ask each other “What are you doing today?” And the answer was simple: I’m just going to sketch, Not working on anything big today just prepping some paper and canvases for paint, Just doing research today. These are all acceptable ways to practice self-care as an artist. The most rewarding thing about doing little things like this is that I’m still showing up for myself and my art practice even if I’m only doing something small. If you need to step away do it. You and your art will thank you for it.

Should Art be Difficult to Make?

The answer is FUCK YES! People are always surprised to hear me saying that I’m exhausted from making work. Or stressed about making work. They act as if it’s the wildest thing they ever heard because there’s this preconceived notion that being an artist should be a piece of cake. Or that if you’ve chosen a career that you’re passionate about that you would never be stressed out by it. But it’s stressful to truly make art.

I don’t know about you but seeing all those Instagram artists that act as if making art is easy is annoying. Art is difficult. Making art is difficult. It’s draining. But the grand reward of it all is making something that pleases you in certain stages and especially in its completion.

That is the most valuable thing I’ve learned from making art. Especially while putting together this solo show. There were plenty of times where I felt shitty or like I wasn’t working fast enough. I would get stressed out because I had to finish the pieces. There weren’t any if, ands or buts. These pieces had to be done. And I did it. All while thinking: Are you doing it right? Should you have put that brushstroke down? Is it too stylized? Is it even moving? Constant thoughts of failure flow in and out. With little bits of “Fuck yes, that looks good! I’m fucken it! I. AM. THAT. BIIIIITCH!”

That’s what it feels like to make art. It’s not all rainbows and unicorns. Because throughout all these pieces I have struggled. But now that I’m done and getting ready for my final drop off I feel a mix of accomplishment and also emotionally and creatively drained. But I live for it. There’s always the thoughts in the back of your mind: will the next ones be good? What if that’s the only good one I’ll ever make? Then you fight through the next paintings and you amaze yourself once again.

In all honesty I don’t feel as if I’m accomplishing anything if I’m not drowning in work. The most thrilling thing about my art practice is drowning in work. Feeling I can’t do it and proving myself wrong. I’m not making this art to impress anyone but myself. Because I think as an artist your biggest competition and enemy is yourself. Every time I have felt like I can’t make art. I remember how often I’ve felt like that. And every single time I have been more proud of myself and my art when I finish these pieces.

Moral of the story? Don’t let people tell you you should somehow be overjoyed to make art. Or that it should come easy to you. Making art is the hardest thing I do everyday. But I think most artist wouldn’t change that stress for anything. At the end of the day, the end of that project, it pays off. That’s the easy part of being an artist. Not making the art. The end result.

Creating Outside of an Academic Setting

If I am being honest I was extremely nervous about graduating and I kept feeling as if it meant that making art would be much more difficult. Yet, all of my worries have been proven wrong. I had been afraid that I wouldn’t know what to do with my art without the constant feedback I received from my professors. Working on my own now I actually don’t think I need the constant critiques on what is or isn’t working. I think simply working through a painting and really trying to sit down and understand what you’re doing can lead you to resolve your work on your own. Of course I would love to get feedback but that overly exaggerated fear I had of not receiving it was way off. I enjoy working on my art more now than I did before.

My time at CSULB was clearly helpful and molded me into the artist I am and it will continue to influence me. But I wouldn’t say I had the best experience. Some of the professors truly made the experience dreadful while others made me think I really could make art. Also I think most people have a misconception that these professors directly influence every aspect of your work. Of course they taught me a lot and all in different ways. Even the ones that made me dread going to school. But since leaving that environment I would say the person who influenced me the most was ultimately myself. Those professors were there and helped guide me. Still I was the one putting in the work and battling out with my opinions on my art and their opinions on my art. I didn’t start to make art I wanted to make until I allowed myself to not worry about what the outcomes were. And I truly feel that I didn’t come full circle with that way of thinking until I graduated. Graduating has made me realize how much of a force I have played in my own growth as an artist. At CSULB I felt that I needed an approval or a grade. Making work outside of a setting like that has changed the way I approach my artwork.

One thing that stands out the most to me about how I have been approaching my work is the prolificness. I have never before worked on this many large paintings at once. Nor have I worked this quickly. It’s astounding to me what I haven been able to take on in a short amount of time. While I was at CSULB, even during my senior year, I worked on maybe 5/6 paintings each semester. They took forever, had a tone of flaws and were all somehow still rushed. Now I’m working faster than ever and I actually feel as if I’m working through these paintings and truly getting an end result I am happy with.
All the fears that came up about my art during my last few months at CSULB have disappeared now. If anything I’m more stressed about not producing more work than what I already am. Working by myself has changed my art in ways I hadn’t imagined. Actually getting a breather has vastly benefitted my work. If I have any advice to offer it’s that whatever your afraid of when it comes to your artwork your most likely working against yourself. Your art will grow as long as you keep pushing forward and continuously creating something. And it doesn’t always have to be something with countless hours put in. For example, I’ve recently been working on really small scale drawings to work out ideas and also to make my art more accessible to my community. They’re able to have an original painting without paying an outrageous price that most people honestly can’t afford. Even those tiny paintings have had a large impact on the way I work. So continue to create, sketch, paint, work large or extremely small. Anything that is pushing you in some way will benefit you and your art.

CCCM: 35x35 Self & Identity

Show Statement:

”For the very first time ever, we proudly devote an exhibition to Mexican and Mexican-American young women visual artists. The works that we have chosen to display here reflect their artistic talent, their strength, their vision, and their powerful life force. Their work is but a sampling of the artistic contributions that Mexican women of all ages are bringing to California and the United States. These artists have a unique richness fueled not only by their bicultural heritage, but also by their experiences and their vision of a particular moment in history. This is a moment in which their identities, their Mexican roots, are sometimes challenged. Fortunately, they transcend and live the moment due to their character and their creative energy.

35x35 is dedicated to showcasing first, second, and subsequent generations of women artists of Mexican descent. Los Angeles is a hub for artistic activity and a home to the second largest population of Mexicans of any city in the world. The intersection of these circumstances together with Mexico’s robust heritage of excellence in the fine arts and culture has created a talent pool that we are just beginning to tap in this exhibition. We are privileged to host just a bit, of the breadth and depth of the creativity in the visual arts that these young women under 35 represent.

This exhibition has been curated by Selma Holo, Executive Director of USC Museums and of the Fisher Museum of Art, and Maria Galicia, Fisher’s Education & Program coordinator. The General Consulate of Mexico in Los Angeles is deeply grateful and reconizes their vision and support to make this possible.”

Opening night was a hit. Unfortunately I arrived an hour late because I was working but honestly I was just happy to be there. It was amazing to be surrounded by POC artists. Very refreshing experience. Also the other artists were simply amazing. I look forward to keeping in touch with these women. And hopefully we can show work together again in other shows. This was a great opportunity and I am happy I applied because honestly I wasn’t sure if I should. Sometimes it’s intimidating to even apply to an art call. But we still should. It can always lead to being part of something amazing in the end.

Working with what I Got Since Graduating

To be honest I don’t miss art school. It was mentally and physically draining. Possibly the only thing I miss is having access to a studio space 24/7. As a BFA Drawing & Painting student we had our own studio spaces separate from the rest of the classrooms. It was tight because we were set up basically like cubicles but it was convenient and useful.

Since graduating I’ve been trying to set up a work space within my garage. I have like half of my parents garage to myself. I’ve been constantly reorganizing and fixing things up so that it can be a functional work space. Between this I have been using one wall in my bedroom to paint on unstretched canvas.

This has been somewhat of a struggle because basically every time I want to work on something else I need to move one painting out to the garage. This means moving a painting usually with fresh paint from my bedroom, through my house and in to my garage. Then bringing a new painting in, affixing it to the wall and beginning to paint. When it comes to building stretcher bars and stretching canvases this happens in my backyard patio as well as in my living room. Basically I have been using my whole house for different uses.

I’m almost done putting together my studio space in my garage. The main issue right now is finding storage for old paintings or finished paintings. I’m sure I’ll figure something out. I think having a space to work in is a huge deal. It’s necessary. But I also think that not everyone has the means to a larger space. Or to a workspace outside of their home.

Even though I feel like I could have a better work space I know there’s people with less space than me making it work. Whatever means you have make it work for you. I’ve been painting all my paintings for my solo show using a single wall in my bedroom. It’s frustrating at times to not have the amount of space I wish I could have but it’s not the end of the world. If you have a wall use it, if all you have is a desk use it, if you got a small amount of space on your floor that works too.

Your work doesn’t need to be made in a huge white walled studio space for it to be worth something.

Always on the Lookout for Opportunities

Y’all already know that if you’re an artist you’re basically hustling as much as possible. I go through phases each couple of months where I’m constantly looking for opportunities. And then there’s time where I’m not looking at all. When I am looking I usually put aside an hour each day looking through call for arts/submissions on various websites. I then add those into my calendar so that I know when I should apply, if they’re charging, and other requirements.

Typically I try to apply to art calls that don’t charge a fee because let’s be real I’m already spending maybe a third of my paycheck on buying art supplies I’m running low on. Every once in a while if an opportunity seems to really click for me but they’re charging I will take the chance and pay. This is rare though because again I hate the idea that I have to pay someone just to consider my art with literally no guarantee that it’ll be accepted.

I would also suggest looking into smaller community based galleries that show work that is similar to yours. Or even small business that showcase local artists in your area every month. I’ve contacted a lot and only a few have gotten back to me but the few that have are offering to possibly show my work. It can happen. Even if your unsure about contacting a place shoot them an email, include some stuff about yourself and if they’re interested they will get back to you. Take the chance!

Some places I would suggest looking at when searching for artist calls are:

artsforla.org

theartguide.com

entrythingy.com

offthecost.com

artslb.org/resources/calls-to-artists/

cac.ca.gov

Also I follow the following hashtags on IG which will usually show calls I’m interested in.

#callforart #callforentries #artcall #callforsubmissions #callforartists

Another thing that comes into play is that often times I get opportunities without even looking. This happens because of the networking I have managed to do. Every teacher in undergrad goes on an on and on about how important networking is. And honestly I didn’t believe it until recently. But it’s important. Simply following someone with similar interests to you and them following you back on IG can result in opportunities for showing your work. So I would recommend making those connections with artists who think about similar themes to those in your own work. I would also suggest that if you see an artists opportunity that would fit for a friend you should tell them about it. This helps build your network, the more you come through for others the more they will for you.

Also don’t be worried if you aren’t constantly showing. Because trust me as many opportunities as I have gotten I’ve been rejected to twice as many. Rejection is part of the game. And it’s disheartening but it doesn’t mean your art sucks. It just means the opportunity wasn’t for you. Keep trying, keep pushing. Making art is the number one important thing. Showing work will come with it.

Why it’s Important to Show my Work Even if I’m Not Selling All the Time

Now that I’m done with my undergrad and working a job that isn’t art related I’ve noticed how often everyone either at work or in general asks “How’s the painting going Have you sold any work?” Or “How did your show go? Sell anything?” And obviously I get the need to ask the question. Yet, I think most people that ask questions like this are one: not artists and two: trying to figure out how painting benefits me in anyway.

I get it, painting is the “dead” art form. There’s so many other ways to capture an image now that the need for a physical object is unnecessary. Especially with our ever growing technology. But, I try to make this as clear as possible to anyone who asks me questions like this. My paintings and my work in general is not made solely to make money. I make work because I find it necessary in order for me to move throughout my day. But this goes beyond a daily routine.

Of course I apply to shows at galleries but I also try my hardest to be involved in the communities that my subject matter is rooted in. So this is mostly in communities where black and brown kids grown up in. What I find the most rewarding when showing my work is the feedback I get from either adults or children that are seeing art that reflects their surroundings. This is the best part of painting for me. I paint for the women of the lowrider community but most importantly I paint for the children within these various locations. Seeing art that they can relate to is highly important. Because let’s be real art doesn’t always look attainable to all. Especially to people in these communities.

I think when anyone sees art that they can actually relate to it can change their opinion on what art is. It can also start a conversation and invite that individual to explore something they might have previously felt wasn’t made for or included them. My goal as an artist is to make my art as accessible to these individuals as possible. Because of this I will be putting money aside every paycheck that’ll go solely towards making prints of my work that will be priced at a low cost. As well as stickers. I don’t want it to end there I would like to expand my artistic practice in various avenues that’ll make my art accessible as well. Eventually I would like to move into murals because again something as simple as art that is inclusive can have a huge impact on a child’s life.

These are my basic goals for my art career. They aren’t to become famous or to even live solely off of my art. Instead it’s to make art as accessible to black and brown kids as it is to upper class and usually white kids.

Painting About One Side of My Identity Versus the Other

Last night I had a great opening with an amazing group of artist. Personally I feel as if my work has grown drastically within these last couple of months since graduating from CSULB. During my time at school I had struggled with which part of myself to paint about.

I’m a first-gen Mexican-American. And while I’m extremely proud of my parents heritage and my families background I feel a disconnect because I was born and raised in the U.S. Also I haven’t even personally visited Mexico in 7 years. Not that I don’t want to but I just haven’t had the means to. Earlier in my painting career I battled with this a lot because I wanted to paint about my Mexican background but each time I tried to paint about it it felt awkward and out of place. To explain it it felt just as uncomfortable as any POC feels when they see an outsider paint about their culture. I finally found something that felt like me when I began to paint this series based on women lowriders.

Back to last night, I haven’t felt like choosing to paint about my subject matter was an issue anymore. But my papa blind sided me when he commented on how my work doesn’t market to my community. I spoke about it with my mama this morning as I made coffee and ate pan dulce with her. She explained that my dad thinks that I should be painting about my Mexican heritage. I understand his point of view. But I feel as if it’s harder for him to realize how there’s a disconnect. Maybe he feels that since I always visited Mexico as a child, grew up in a Mexican household that I would have a stronger connection. Being Mexican is important to me. I think this internal struggle highlights exactly what our group show was about. The act of being stuck between two cultures. And feeling disconnection from both. Becoming something different from what our parents were because of the culture shock that sways heavily away from my parents background.

It hurts my heart that my father feels this way about my art. I feel like I’m painting about my reality. I’m Mexican-American but because of that I have lived a different life than my parents and can’t say I have the exact same deep rooted love of our homeland. Maybe when I visit again I can start to paint about all aspects of my identity. But for now it seems out of place.

Just thought I would share the issues that come with being a child of immigrants.

Becoming: A Drawing & Painting Exhibition

“The process of coming to be something or of passing a state” defines the word “becoming”. This group exhibition BEcoming brings together four artists that share similar life experiences. The process of assimilating into a new culture (when families migrate to the United States) is a reality they share. For them this “passing state” is a continuous evolution into “becoming” as they search for their identity as American living in Southern California.

Although it is expected by the normal conventions of American society, “becoming” has its challenges. Each artist rises to this by making his or her voice heard through representational forms and hybrid urban landscapes in drawing and painting. The work of Ruben Cantoran is a personal reflection about his father’s journey leaving his native land of Mexico and creating a new life while always reminiscing about his homeland and struggling to fully assimilate. Stuck in the middle of two cultures, he finds solace and kinship in the lowrider community in South East Los Angeles where the individual expression of a lowrider car is as unique as the individual driving the lowrider. Jesus Nunez, too, in his artwork explores the color schemes , shapes, and patterns painted on the lowrider that he admired while growing up in Southern California. In contrast, Jacqueline Valenzuela’s work focuses on the growing number of women in the lowrider community who have been exceeding the expectations of a male dominated subculture. In her hybridized version of urban landscape, the female figures demand the attention of the viewer. Her women have “become” an integral part of the lowrider community. Priscilla S. Flores’ art pays homage to her family in Mexico, and how this loss created a burden in her family’s history and may still be present in her future. Often for her what remains are just family photos or mementos of family history; by using these objects to create new imagery she can retain a sense of it before her family history slowly erases itself in the process of her “becoming” an American.

The exhibition “BEcoming” investigates the shared burdens and struggles of the ancestral past of there four artists as they become part of the American fabric. “BEcoming” is a testament to their journey and continuous rite of transformation.

Being an “Artist”

So to start off I want to highlight that I think this is just an awkward phase most artists go through. What I’m talking about is calling yourself the big “A-word” aka artist. I’ve only recently began to call myself an artist. Maybe it’s because it wasn’t until recently that I feel I started to develop my own body of work.

I’ve noticed how awkward I still feel about it. Especially when I’m at my part-time job. My coworkers think I’m amazing. That I’m going to quote on quote “make it”. But here I am and all I think to myself is I’m not actually that talented. I love making art and that’s why I decided to make it my career. But at the same time I don’t think this is because of raw talent.

I grew up loving to draw. Yet, I never actually committed myself to making art literally until my first year as an art student. Everything I know and everything I have become has solely been thanks to my hard work and determination. I chose to make something that I had a mild interest in into my whole life. I think this might be why I feel awkward calling myself an artist. Sure I make art. But art hasn’t been the absolute center of my universe. It was something I decided I wanted to pursue and I’ve slowly worked up and made myself in to an “artist”.

Maybe calling myself an “artist” just doesn’t feel real. When I think of an “artist” I think of someone famous or well-known. Not a girl who decided last minute to apply to colleges and decided an art major sounded the most interesting to her. Hahaha but on the other hand that might be exactly what makes me an “artist”. I love painting, struggling with my work and constantly growing from one work to another.

Ahhhhh point is yay I’m an artist now. So I’ll keep on pushing and maybe someday soon I’ll stop feeling like calling myself an “artist” is weird. For now I just have a regular case of imposter syndrome.

Managing Work Life & A Studio Practice

Honestly when I started working in early August I was scared. I wasn’t sure about how I would balance working and painting along with still being an active participant in my relationships with my partner, my friends and my family. I also had committed to a lot of shows during the summer and as the dates creeped closer and closer I stressed more about being able to finish the work.

I stressed for no reason. Obviously everyone gets scared about showing up for the commitments they make. But as an artist you have to meet those commitments whether you think you can or not. Sometimes I’ve agreed to participate in shows without knowing if I will deliver in the end. But I always do. I constantly remind myself about what Cole Case, an artist I did a studio visit with during my time at CSULB, said. He highlighted the importance of being reliable even when you feel you won’t reach your goal. The more you reach them and prove that you’re someone who always has work on hand for shows the more likely you are to be contacted to participate in shows within your network system. It’s about going through with your commitments despite the constant doubts. I keep this in the back of my mind.

As I type this I’m starting to get ready to head to work. I spent my morning painting and running errands. I will spend my night painting as well as the whole weekend. I’ll also be making stretcher bars and stretching my work. It’s a struggle but it’s a hustle that you commit to as an artist. So I’ll head to work today, possibly hate my work day and then come home and love my studio practice. It works, I have to make it work.

As far as still being an active participant with the people in my life I try my hardest. I squeeze in whatever time I have to spend it with them. Sometimes I push back painting just to make sure that I’m putting in my part. I spend the majority of my time painting. Two/three hours taken out of my day to spend with the important people of my life isn’t the end of the world.

So take it from me, well mostly Cole Case, you’ll reach your goals, you’ll fulfill your commitments and still have time for everything else in your life. You have to make time for all the important things in your life. Anyways that’s all from me. I’ll go off to work. Next I’ll try to make a post about te sources I’ve been using to find artist opportunities.

Angel City Brewery + Art Share L.A.: Los Angeles Paints Itself

This exhibition has various work made by local artists who are influenced by their urban surroundings within Los Angeles. Through the use of paint, these artists create work that captures their personal ties to L.A.. The viewer is exposed to the iconic landscape, subcultures, and individuals that make the city.

Artists:

Art Carillo @artcart9

Francisco J. Palomares @palomaresblvd

Antonio Ramos @bigramos009

Hedy Torres @artbyheto

Jacqueline Valenzuela @pieldemazapan

Sara Walsh @moresadbushes