If I am being honest I was extremely nervous about graduating and I kept feeling as if it meant that making art would be much more difficult. Yet, all of my worries have been proven wrong. I had been afraid that I wouldn’t know what to do with my art without the constant feedback I received from my professors. Working on my own now I actually don’t think I need the constant critiques on what is or isn’t working. I think simply working through a painting and really trying to sit down and understand what you’re doing can lead you to resolve your work on your own. Of course I would love to get feedback but that overly exaggerated fear I had of not receiving it was way off. I enjoy working on my art more now than I did before.
My time at CSULB was clearly helpful and molded me into the artist I am and it will continue to influence me. But I wouldn’t say I had the best experience. Some of the professors truly made the experience dreadful while others made me think I really could make art. Also I think most people have a misconception that these professors directly influence every aspect of your work. Of course they taught me a lot and all in different ways. Even the ones that made me dread going to school. But since leaving that environment I would say the person who influenced me the most was ultimately myself. Those professors were there and helped guide me. Still I was the one putting in the work and battling out with my opinions on my art and their opinions on my art. I didn’t start to make art I wanted to make until I allowed myself to not worry about what the outcomes were. And I truly feel that I didn’t come full circle with that way of thinking until I graduated. Graduating has made me realize how much of a force I have played in my own growth as an artist. At CSULB I felt that I needed an approval or a grade. Making work outside of a setting like that has changed the way I approach my artwork.
One thing that stands out the most to me about how I have been approaching my work is the prolificness. I have never before worked on this many large paintings at once. Nor have I worked this quickly. It’s astounding to me what I haven been able to take on in a short amount of time. While I was at CSULB, even during my senior year, I worked on maybe 5/6 paintings each semester. They took forever, had a tone of flaws and were all somehow still rushed. Now I’m working faster than ever and I actually feel as if I’m working through these paintings and truly getting an end result I am happy with.
All the fears that came up about my art during my last few months at CSULB have disappeared now. If anything I’m more stressed about not producing more work than what I already am. Working by myself has changed my art in ways I hadn’t imagined. Actually getting a breather has vastly benefitted my work. If I have any advice to offer it’s that whatever your afraid of when it comes to your artwork your most likely working against yourself. Your art will grow as long as you keep pushing forward and continuously creating something. And it doesn’t always have to be something with countless hours put in. For example, I’ve recently been working on really small scale drawings to work out ideas and also to make my art more accessible to my community. They’re able to have an original painting without paying an outrageous price that most people honestly can’t afford. Even those tiny paintings have had a large impact on the way I work. So continue to create, sketch, paint, work large or extremely small. Anything that is pushing you in some way will benefit you and your art.